


Dreams About Death

by Elhen



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-28 06:01:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11411724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elhen/pseuds/Elhen
Summary: Sometimes Totsuka wakes up early.





	Dreams About Death

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Сны о смерти](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5075221) by [Elhen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elhen/pseuds/Elhen). 



> English isn’t my first language and it’s just an attempt to translate my fic indicated by a link above. I hope there are not too many mistakes. To be sure, my English is bad (and unfortunately a bed too) so excuse me for it, please.
> 
> Also, many-many thanks to Mary for her great patience and correcting the most awful mistakes.

Sometimes Totsuka wakes up early. At Homra everyone is still asleep; there is only silence inside. Only silence and Totsuka. In this special morning silence he feels a promise of a new day, a hardly noticeable trace of eternity, a low whisper of the world awaking after a long night.

Saying nothing, Totsuka quietly goes downstairs; of course, there is nobody. Only emptiness surrounds him. If he closes his eyes for an instant it’s very easy for him to see Kusanagi at a bar counter as well as other Clansmen sitting nearby, arguing, laughing, discussing the latest news. There is no more silence. _It’s so right_ , Totsuka thinks.

He opens his eyes and embraces this emptiness around him, the incoming day and Homra. A mere trace of a smile slides across his face as a morning sun slowly erases nightmares’ shadows. Totsuka will never say it but loneliness changes the worlds, replacing one by another, turning inside out all the things he can’t forget.

Actually, there is nothing to recall. Something dark and evil runs through his head. Totsuka feels only unclear tails of memories on the edge of his consciousness. He can’t say what exactly they are. Just after awakening Totsuka being entirely in the grip of might-have-been things still remembers everything: horror, pain as well as despair. _Not his despair_ , he decides. Soon, it disappears. Dreams don’t like sunlight which is dangerous and fatal for them. But anyway some unpleasant aftertaste remains in Totsuka’s soul. Ultimately, one day all shadows will return.

So Totsuka has almost no choice; he can only wait or do something but it’s the same difference. Sometimes he goes outside to listen to wind or the steps of early passerbies and to look after sun rays rapidly running through the city. Sometimes Totsuka goes to the sea where the light-blue sky is sinking in the sparkling water. Sometimes he remains at the bar, spending his time with one more bonsai, learning how to mix cocktails or reading something like Man’yoshu.

Little by little, the silence disappears, becoming the part of the new day’s bustle. Kusanagi first appears at Homra and the emptiness immediately goes away. The bar will be opened only in the evening and now it whole belongs to Red Clansmen. Surely, cheerful and noisy Yata will come and Kusanagi as always will give him a lecture, a smile’s shadow hiding in his eyes. Maybe, Fushimi will follow Yata, recently even more gloomy and misanthropic than usually. Then Kamamoto will unexpectedly appear to be in the bar as if he stayed here since yesterday. More and more Red Clansmen will pop over, for a minute, for two minutes, and someone will really leave Homra soon but someone will remain until late at night. Probably, Mikoto will go downstairs and Anna will ask Totsuka to sing her favourite song. And maybe something good will happen. Something that certainly will give all of them happy memories.

However, in the evening the air begins to have bitter taste. Totsuka knows that nobody except him realizes it. Although at the moment many voices full the air the ghost of silence is somewhere very close to him. The ghost of silence different from the morning one, that silence which is heavy and drowsy, almost dead. The endless night with the certain dose of nightmares for everyone irreversibly covers the world. Totsuka can linger its starting or try to believe in insomnia and just pretend to know nothing but this dark and frightful night will take its toll in any case.

Totsuka lacks his own fire that’s why he always looks for another person’s one, for King’s fire. At each night the flame all the way goes out. Cold spreads over his skin, gets inside, deeper and deeper, dissolves in the blood and eventually settles in his heart. The world around him is spinning and drifting as if it’s only a picture covered with water. Soon, there will be only the sky overhead but it also fades then.

Sometimes Totsuka sees dreams about death but he doesn’t believe them. Here and now he’s alive and so there is no death in his world.


End file.
